Student Affairs : Counseling Services : Self Help : Sexual Assault--for Concerned Others

Sexual Assault--for Concerned Others

Sexual assault (nonconsensual sexual act, of which both men and women may be victims) can happen to anyone, at any time, or any place.  Victims of sexual assault are females and males of all ages, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds. 

If You Know of Someone Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

·         First and Foremost

o        Support them.

o        More than anything else, they need you to validate their emotional reactions.

o        Talk, listen, respect, and be emotionally available.  Try not to ask too many questions, which may make the survivor feel like she has to defend herself.

·         Assure them it was not their fault

o        No matter what they said, wore, or where they were, they did not ask for, or desire to be assaulted.

·         Accept the individual’s choice to take the next step

o        Ask what is needed, help identify options, and encourage independent decision-making, even if you may disagree.

·         Be patient

o        Try not to rush the healing process or “make it better.”

o        Encourage the individual to seek professional help.

·         If the assault occurred recently, attend to the individual’s immediate medical needs

o        Also, remind the individual to save clothing they were wearing, not to shower or bathe, or to remove any physical evidence.

·         Seek support for yourself

o        It may be overwhelming to deal with your own feelings in addition to the victim’s.

o        If you have strong/angry feelings or feelings of blame toward the victim, talk to someone else about this.

·         For the romantic partner of the survivor

o        Pace the intensity of involvement, especially sexual contact, touching, holding.

o        Ask permission before touching or holding the survivor.

Know the Facts

·         Sexual violence is NEVER the victim’s fault—no one asks to be raped or touched inappropriately.

·         Sexual assaults are not “provoked” by victims; it doesn’t matter how the victim was dressed, whether she/he was drinking or using drugs, or out on a date with the perpetrator, etc. 

·         Sexual violence is not about sex, instead it is about power.

·         Contrary to images of stranger rapes, acquaintance rape accounts for approximately 77% of all rapes.  That means that 77% of rape victims knew their perpetrator.

·         7-10% of all adult rape victims are male.

·         An estimated 1 in 4 college women has been sexually assaulted. 

Understand some Possible Aftermaths

Sexual assault is a trauma, and victims may react differently.  As with other trauma, the experience may disrupt their life for awhile.  Survivors/victims of sexual assault may not necessarily experience similar reactions and may not experience them in the sequence listed below.  Furthermore, some may experience these very temporarily, while others may have feelings that last for months or longer.  In any case, here are some feelings and experiences often identified by many victims.

·         This can’t be happening

o        Fear & shock

o        Some may act as if nothing has happened

·         I just want to forget what happened

o        Dramatic shift in feelings & behavior

§         Increase use of alcohol/substances

§         Increase promiscuity

o        May cry all of a sudden, have increased anxiety, and/or exhibit exaggerated startled responses

o        Feeling closed off & family/friends may be fooled

o        Feeling ashamed, dirty, violated, vulnerable, self-blaming

o        Trying to heal by gaining emotional distance

·         I’m so angry and/or depressed; can’t seem to get control of my emotions

o        They may feel that everything is falling apart

o        Nightmares, flashbacks, and/or hypervigilance

o        Depression (w/ possible change in sleep & eating habits)

o        Loss of sexual identity

§         May change clothing style, hairstyle, makeup

·         Life goes on and I can handle it

o        Eventually (sometimes months, sometimes years down the line), begin to accept what has happened

o        May still think & talk about what happened, but will feel more in control of emotions

o        Trauma plays less of a major role in life

o        Though life may have changed, feelings of self-worth and strength will reemerge

·         Difficulties with partners

o        Sometimes, they may think that they have already dealt with the trauma and will no longer experience these previous emotional reactions; however, it is not unusual for strong feelings to occur again when they try to get close to a partner. 

Source:  http://www.uwec.edu/counsel/pubs/index.htm

It is often very difficult to proceed with life as it was after one has experienced sexual assault, especially rape.  Encourage the survivor to come to Counseling Services in Administration Building, Room 201, to start their recovery process.  You may also find it helpful to seek support from a counselor yourself.  Often times, academics are negatively impacted; we also have educational counselors who may help with your educational performance.  Our personal counselors are available for walk-ins M-F, 10am-4pm, and for emergency/crisis walk-ins M-F, 8am-5pm.  Please call 408-924-5910 for more information.

Other Silicon Valley Resources

·         YWCA (http://www.ywca-scv.org/) Rape Crisis 24-Hour Hotlines:  408-287-3000; 650-493-7273

·         24-hour Crisis Line # for Santa Clara County:  408-279-3312